Learning through failure...

Building trust on a team of any kind is pretty difficult. For starters, we all come from different walks of life and have had different upbringings. We are unique individuals that must come together if we want to achieve greatness. I remember playing a water polo game when I was a sophomore in high school. I was a pretty young guy on the varsity team and so I was just doing my best to stay above water, both figuratively and literally.

There was one game that had some big implications in terms of the way our season was going to turn out. For much of the game we played well together, and caught a sort of rhythm. But then towards the end of the third quarter, things started to unravel. Minutes into the fourth quarter we realized that we were down a couple of goals and started to panic, but then miraculously fought our way back to tie the game.

With less than a minute left it was our ball and all we needed to do was get it down the pool and wait for a last second shot. That would give us either a win, or at the very least send the game into overtime. With seven seconds left we got the ball to our ace scorer, who was supposed to hold the ball and take a shot with two seconds left. He had plenty of room to do so. But for some reason, she decided to take the shot early. And, the worst part is that it went right to the goalie’s chest. You can probably guess what happened next.

The goalie reared back and heaved the ball in the air. As we all turned our heads we could immediately tell that our goalie was not ready for the shot, but instead had been moving steadily out of the goal. He halted his tracks, immediately started back-stroking just in time to get to the goal line to watch the ball cross the goal line. It was so quiet in the stadium that all you could hear was the pop of the ball against the blue tarp, which followed by an eruption of elation and celebration from the other team. It was devastating.

As we slowly left the pool and met in the locker room, you can imagine the frustration that all of us had. We are already starting to point fingers and dish out the blame. It was this guy’s fault for one reason or somebody else’s fault for another. Why did the play move up the court so fast? Why were the passes so sloppy? Why was this guy out of position? We were literally screaming at each other. Our goalie, dejected, just sat on the bench with his head in his hands, still dripping with water.

And then something happened. Our ace scorer, the guy who took the last shot said something in a low voice, but for some reason we all heard it. “I should have held the ball longer. It’s my fault. Guys, I’m sorry… it was me who lost the game, none of you.” Silence. Our bickering now stopped for us to focus on the only person taking responsibility; he was the leader. And at that moment, he solidified his place on the team as exactly that. Never did he point a finger or blame somebody else. He took responsibility at that moment. 

There was a guy in the Bible who dealt with making bad decisions and not taking responsibility for his actions. When Samson was born there was an angel of the Lord that was present and helped his family to the process (Judges 13:13). As he grew up he had a crazy amount of supernatural strength that was given to him by God. He was given everything that he needed to lead God’s people effectively (13:24-25).

Yes, Samson was favored by God, but throughout his life made a series of unfortunate mistakes that he refused to correct. He got mixed up with the wrong people, was in relationship with a woman who would soon, on multiple occasions, betray him (14:3), and killed people to cover his own mistakes (14:19). All the while, he did not learn from his failures. He ended up dying a pretty violent death, after he had lost his eyes in one of the run-ins with the Philistines (16:29). He always seemed to put himself in some pretty bad situations, and as I continue to read a story over the years, I wonder how different it would have been if he learned through those failures.

Every player, including me, on our team was like Samson with our dumb excuses… except for the one guy who decided to be different, and take responsibility. Coach John wooden once said, “Success is never final, failure is never fatal. It is courage that counts.” So I guess my question is: Are you willing to have the courage to learn through your failures? It is not a question of if, but when, you will fail. The important part is that you learn through those failures and that you make better decisions because of that. When you take responsibility for your failures, people will look to you to help them through their failures as well. My prayer is that you look back to some of the failures in your life and remember how you responded; and, that you apply those lessons to your life right now.

Praying for you,

MO

Build character to build trust...

I have been coaching young people for the last 20-plus years. It is one of the great privileges and responsibilities that I've ever had. What I love about sports is the fight that one must have within themselves to persevere. We can probably all agree that the beginning is usually the most exciting and fun time of anything. And for sports, it is definitely that way. Each year my college swim team gets together to have a fun “welcome dinner.” At this dinner they receive team gear, eat a lot of good food, and have great conversations. Everybody is really excited!

But somewhere down the line all of that is tested. What I mean is, the newness factor wears off at some point. And it is here that each athlete must decide whether they are going to continue to persevere and continue to work hard, or if they are going to slack off. And that's where coaches earn their stripes. You see, it is my job to put them in a position to receive self-motivation that they can only really pull from within. And that is the test of character for each of these young people.

The great John Wooden once said, “Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” And that is exactly what I am trying to teach each of these student-athletes. It is the decisions that they make on a daily basis that add to their character and decide their level of success.

In the Bible we see that Peter went through some struggles as one of Jesus's disciples. He was right there through all of Jesus's ministry, but when the time came, he really blew it and totally denied Jesus when he most needed to bear down and make better decisions. This could have been the end of his ministry, character, and even his reputation. However, he did not give up. Even though he suffered that intense time of failure, he persevered and realized that he needed to finish well. Jesus would actually end up building the entirety of His Church upon Peter and some of the other disciples. We still see the fruits of that labor today.

My question for you is: do people consider you a trustworthy person? It's not about getting it right all of the time, but whether or not you continually build character to finish well. My prayer for you today is that you would take inventory of the decisions that you have made in your life and make corrections, so that you might build your character and become a more trustworthy person for those who rely on you as a friend, co-worker, and family member. Hang in there! The road is not easy, but it is worth it to make the decisions that build character.

Praying for you,

MO

Building relational capital…

His widowed mom was so poor that she gave him and his siblings up to an orphanage. Needless to say he grew up poor. With no money in his pocket, he began to work very hard. By the time he was 23 years old, he opened up a little eyeglass frame shop. And although you might not know the name Leonardo Del Vecchio or his company Luxottica, I would bet dollars to donuts that you have worn a pair of his sunglasses at some point, which include both Ray-Ban and Oakley brands.

Del Vecchio is now worth billions of dollars, but said he will never forget the long journey to become the successful businessman that he has become today. Relationships are much like building a business. When we begin our trek, many of us are put in a position of leadership or influence with only a few pennies worth of built up trust in our pockets. Meaning, we must continue to invest into others so that we can grow our relational capital.

My mentor, Kevin, once told me that all of the actions I take in life can be equated to relational capital. Meaning, in every interaction I have, I either deposit money into that relational bank, or I withdraw those relational funds. Now of course there are times we need to make withdrawals, but it should be much less than the investments. Unfortunately, many people do not understand the importance, or the severity of consequences for not following that formula, and they end up in relational bankruptcy.

The very last verse in the book of John is often overlooked, which says:

“Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.” ~John 21:25

What a great verse. The Gospels written about Jesus and his time here on earth were all about the works he did. Everything Jesus did was relational. And, he spent most of his time investing into relationships and making deposits into the relational banks of the disciples, the people who followed him, and others that listened to his teachings.

My question for you is: where do your relational balances sit today? Each of us come into contact with many people on a daily basis, some more than others. But whether you see somebody every day or only talk to them once in a blue moon, you have a relational bank account with them. My prayer is that you make a relational deposit, however small or large, into someone in your life today... a family member, friend, or coworker.

Praying for you,

MO

Credibility through sincerity...

When I was in high school I was your typical annoying teenager. Don’t get me wrong, I was a pretty smooth talker, and always knew the right words to say. In fact, one of my friend’s moms used to tell me that I reminded her of Eddie Haskell, from the old Leave it to Beaver Show. I thought it was pretty cool to be likened to somebody on TV, until I realized what she was actually saying, which is that I lacked sincerity. In fact, this insincerity poured out into all aspects of my relationships.

However, although I knew this, I did not really change my day-to-day actions. Until one day when I was being extra snippy and annoying. I was at church with the guys and just kept making fun of everyone. And, it was not like I was doing it with my really good friends (which still is not necessarily always okay), but pretty much everybody. That’s when Kevin decided to have a conversation with me later that evening.

After the night was over and a few of us stayed back to help clean up and put stuff away, he pulled me aside. In our talk he asked me if it was necessary for me to make fun of people the way that I did. I really did not know what he meant, until I thought about it. He was right. For some reason, I always felt like I needed to say something funny or witty. And, the worst part was that it was at the expense of other people. So, I did what any normal teenage boy would have done. I started thinking of all of the times that Kevin was hypocritical for doing the same -- that would teach him a lesson!

Nothing. I could think of absolutely zero times that Kevin had ever made a joke at somebody else’s expense. I realized at this point that I wasn’t as horrible as I thought I was; I was even worse. The good part is, when you reach rock bottom there is really no place to go except for up.

The Apostle Paul once wrote the following to a church in Ephesus:

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” ~Ephesians 4:29

Boy, was I getting that one wrong. During the above convo with Kevin he turned it into a positive life lesson, as he so masterfully did all of the time. He told me that if I could use my words to lift up and encourage people, that I had potential to be a very influential person. The choice was mine; and I accepted the challenge to be better. My question to you is: When people think of you, do they think of your speech with fondness, or something else? My prayer is that you use your words to encourage others. 

Praying for you,

MO

The humble leader...

I did not go to my first church camp until I was about to enter my senior year of high school. I had been hanging out at church for a few years at that point, but could never make it happen because of summer sports and other activities that seemed to be more important. They weren’t, but I thought so at the time. Anyways, that was when I met Marc for the first time; Kevin designated him as the lucky winner to be camp counselor for all of us senior boys.

It was kind of weird that I had never seen this guy before, because I’d been going to church pretty consistently. However, Kevin told me that Marc was one of his youth kids from the old school and that he was a pretty cool guy, all grown up. In fact, Marc was the general manager of his family business, and would tell Kevin that he could give him one week out of the year, each year, to serve unconditionally. Kevin chose that one week to be camp. I think Kevin probably did this as sort of a punishment, because he knew that Marc had such great ministry potential that he should be there more often. LOL.

Camp ended up being a blast that year. Marc was hilarious and we had so much fun messing with him - we even tried (unsuccessfully) to shave his head while he was sleeping. Following that summer, he ended up being one of my small group leaders and from that time on became one of the biggest influencers in my life, even until today. That was 25 years ago.

Fast-forward. Marc still gives time to the very same church that he did way back then. He pretty much runs the entire sports ministry, and has influence over so many people it is insane. But the best part about Marc is that he never wants to be in the limelight, or get recognition for anything he does. He serves because that is what he is called to do. He served because that is what he was taught by Kevin, and so many others.

Marc reminds me of one of the great parables in the Bible that Jesus tells…

When someone invites you to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for a person more distinguished than you may have been invited. If so, the host who invited both of you will come and say to you,“Give this man your seat.” Then, humiliated, you will have to take the least important place.

~Luke 14:8-11

The bottom line is, humble leaders add value to their people, and do it under the radar. So my question for you today is this: who are you adding value to on a daily basis? Are you too busy wanting to get recognized for the stuff that you do, or are you keeping your focus on others? If you’re doing the latter, keep pressing on, for the Lord will reward your diligence. My prayer is that you find somebody today that you can serve, preferably somebody who has nothing that they could give back in return. That is true greatness. 

Praying for you, 

MO

Serve more...

Like many high school kids, I was thinking about myself most of the time throughout those years in life.  Everything was about what I needed, and what was important for me and to me.  You might say that I was a teenager who believed that the world revolved around him.  And then sometime during that freshman year of high school I met Kevin Cobb, the Youth Pastor at my church.

It took me a couple years, but I remember looking back when I was a junior and realized that Kevin never really did anything for himself. He was always at church, at least when I stopped by, always visiting the local small group gatherings that all of us guys had throughout the week, and he even swung by my house to give me a ride whenever I needed to get to a church function. I mean, it was crazy. He always seemed to be there for me when I needed it most.

“The greatest among you will be your servant. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

~Matthew 23:11-12

These words spoken by Jesus to his disciples and a large crowd could not ring more true when I think about Kevin Cobb. What he was doing was not complicated and groundbreaking. He was doing exactly what he was taught to do when he was a young believer in Christ… and that is, serve others. The simplicity of this lesson continues to speak to me even today.

The people around us do not need us to do anything more than just serve them. And it isn’t about being audacious or outlandish. It just needs to be sincere. So my question for you is this: who is it in your life today that you need to serve? We encounter people all the time that need nothing more from us than a true act of kindness. My prayer for you is that you bless somebody today; it doesn’t matter whether it is big or small, it only needs to be meaningful and from the heart.

Praying for you,

MO

Battle well...

Maybe it is just me, but I hold on to the losses in life sometimes more than I do the victories. I can still remember one of my last water polo games in high school. We really wanted to beat our rival school. It was a close game, but they ended up beating us. That loss still stings. I mean, come on, shouldn’t I be able to get rid of thoughts from so long ago? Maybe. But, the fact is that is part of who I am. I am a fighter.

We see in the Bible that Apostle Paul instructs young Timothy to hold on tightly, and give life his very best. And, Paul does this by giving him encouragement pointing back to his own life.

“Timothy, my son, I am giving you this command in keeping with the prophecies once made about you, so that by recalling them you may fight the battle well, holding on to faith and a good conscience, which some have rejected and so have suffered shipwreck with regard to the faith.” ~1 Timothy 1:18-19

And there you have it. We only have a couple of options in life. We can either move forward and give it our very best to fight the battle, or we can allow the trivial stuff to shipwreck us and make us crash and capsize. The choice is really up to each of us. My prayer for you today is that you search your heart and ask what it is that you need to do to fortify your heart to continue to fight the battles you will face. And I guess my question is, are you willing to battle well, and do it for the rest of your life?

Praying for you,

MO