Listen, dummy!

For reals I do not understand why Cobb put up with me all those years. It's like a coach getting a brand new team or a music instructor a new student that has no idea what they are doing; the teach is in for a long ride. And that is the relationship that I had with this man, one of the most respected in my inner circle. It took years for me to get where I am in my ideas, thoughts and ministry tendencies, but alas I am here. The journey began when I was in high school and did not know why JC would want to have a relationship with a punk like me. It was Cobb who put in the time to convey that yearning on the part of a Savior who wanted to give me a chance.

David Schwartz writes, “Big people monopolize the listening.” and this is the way that Cobb was with me. I was always in some big idea, a way to make my life better. And I always brought it to him. We would sit for hours at a time over a cup of coffee, at his house, his office – wherever we were at that particular moment – and I would tell him the details of my life. Funny thing is that I did not ask for advice very much in the early years. But that is the kind of guy that Cobb was and still is today. He has always been one of those “big people.”

I write this because it is my hope that you have those kind of people in your life. The persons who will ask questions, not for the sake of stumping you or making you feel dumb or whatever. But for the sole purpose of getting to know you better. These are the peeps that you want in your inner circle. These are the peeps that are going to make a difference in your life. They are the ones that will know understand how you work, because the more they listen to your rambling over time the more they will be able to speak into your life.

Cobb has always been one reluctant to give advice to me. Not because he did not know what I needed. Believe me, he knows me enuff to point me in the right direction. But he also knows that a stubborn punk like me needs to be nurtured. Hey, at least I have come from the days of not thinking tat I needed advice of any sort. I was on top of the world as a teenager. My ideas were invincible, or so I thought. Today I am a lot more humble, though sometimes it may not seem to others or even myself. But there is something about talking to someone who knows you to the core of your being. When someone knows your joys, fears, struggles, strengths and everything in between, you start of listen.

Who do you have in your life that knows you in that way? Think of the person or persons who listen to you most. The ones who are not quick to judge you or tell you what you need to do. These are the persons who are listening to you and want to know you on a deeper level. These mentors, and in many instances your peers, have the capacity to speak into your life. And if they are anything like Cobb, you will have to drag it out of them. They know you. Listen to them and hang on the words they offer. They are few... but powerful.

The things you do...

We all have them; you know what I mean. Those events that we hate to do but we do them because we know that the students love them. And since we live in the greatest state in the world, California, it means that the beach is always just a hop skip and a jump away. And one of the most favrit days for the world to go to the beach is the Fourth of July. I mean, we are talking straight up chaos. There is so much madness going on at any each that you are bound to have fun and prolly get in trouble at the same time.

If you have never been to the beach on Independence Day, you really must do it at least once. And for me, once was enough, but I somehow got suckered into going more than my quota-filling one time. There are so many peeps there that there is absolutely no parking, everyone sneaks in fireworks and booze and anything else you can think of. There is so much that can go wrong because all of the peeps are not paying attention for anything. However, the excitement of being there is off the hook. The kids always have a great time. They are away from the folks, they feel like they have freedom and it is just a downright good time. And that is why you have to be extra careful.

We would leave early in the morning to get there and try to stake out a place on the beach. There were fireworks shows all over the place and you were bound to have a great seat no matter where you were on the beach. The fuzz is all over the place just itching to give out ticket for anything. When we get down there and take accountability and give out the rules, stuff always changes. There is always some unforeseen circumstance that we would have to deal with. Like one year when we were there and there was not a bathroom in a square mile because someone had blown up the one closest to us with M1000's. Yeah, way to be mature. It was hilarious, I must say. But stuff like that.

By the time the day was over I was ready to roll and get anywhere but there. And I would vow to myself as I hit the pillow that I would never do it again. But come the next weekend and all the talk about how much fun everyone had, how could I resist? How could I say no to fun and relationships? How could I say no to ministry? You are right, I couldn't – what at push-over. What is the event you despise the most in your ministry, the one that makes the hair stand up on the back of your neck just thinking of all the prep and turmoil that it will put you through each time – yet, knowing that it is the best event that you put on, one that the kids love? My advice, keep doing it. Suck it up and just remember that you can always look back years later and say, “ahhh, the things I did for ministry opportunities...” Funniest part is, you will always have those events... good luck.

The wrong stuff?

I talk to youth pastors a lot about trusting your instinct and knowing what it means to run a good program. Although tons of peeps that I talk to nowadays think that program is dead and that we need to move in a different direction, I am a firm believer that if you run a bad program then you are going to have a hard time achieving a successful youth program. And I know that this is very subjective, but most philosophy is; I think anyway. Just remember that in all of your infinite, God-given wisdom, you could actually be wrong ever now and again. I know, I know, crazy but true.

I know that you have the pulse of your group and that you prolly do a great job in your ministry. I hope that you are giving tons of time to your students, but more to the peeps that put time into them on a daily basis. You know, the leaders in your ministry. The volunteers that give up a bunch of their free time to spend putting into the youth of today, building into the leaders of tomorrow. And since they are with the students so much, you need to listen to your volunteer staff.

If you are like many of the pastors I chill with, you have a full plate. There are things in your schedule that make your ministry difficult to keep up with and you need all the help you can get. And this is why the input you get from your staff is so important. When one of my peeps would come up to me to discuss an issue that s/he felt was important, in my younger days I would listen, but not really. This was the absolute worst thing I could have done. Just because I was the guy with the title did not make me the one with the best ideas all of the time. Yes, I think I had a pretty good idea of what needed to be done and I was very intuitive, but the stuff that was brought to my attention from others was equally important.

Had I listened to the suggestions of my staff back then I would have saved myself a lot of time. I had to learn to listen. Timing issues, themes, concerns, series suggestions, program glitches; these were all problems that I faced on a weekly basis and could have used the help that was right in front of me. Are you listening to your staff? Do you value their input? There are peeps that know ministry as well and many even better than you. They are there to help. They want the youth program to succeed just as much as you do. Listen to them, you would be wise to add their counsel to your decision-making process.

Train yourself, or else...

I know this may be shocking to a lot of peeps, but if you don't take the time to train yourself then you are going to be out of ministry sooner or later. And it is up to you. No one else is going to take the time to do it because they have their own stuff to worry about. They have lives and barely have the time to do stuff for themselves. The problem for you is that you have to worry about you and your staff at the same time. When others decide to do ministry with you and buy into your vision to put time into the students in your group, they are your responsibility. And if you don't want to have them on your team or do not believe in them or whatever, then they do not need to be on your team.

You have to give your peeps time. If you choose to have them on your team, then no excuses. When we were a smaller group and it was hard to get leaders for the kids, we were willing to take anyone at all. We just wanted warm bodies. A lot of you may be in the same situation. And if you are at the mercy of anyone who will give you their time then you have an obligation to them. And you have to give them your all. And that is why you need to be training yourself.

Good book to start with... Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. Yeah, I know. This is a pretty straight forward book. And when it was suggested to me I was like, ok, I don't think I really need to read something like that. And that is exactly why I needed it. The stuff was so simple and easy, but so much of it I was not doing. Even the beest peeps in the world need help and the best leaders are constantly learning. Are you? If you are not reading till your eyes hurt then I would suggest that you carve out a little time to do so.

Train yourself or your peeps will end up leaving your team. When they know that you are not growing anymore they will peace out. They may not even know why they are leaving, but they will. I expect my staff to read and listen to stuff and put time into their own development. And the reason that they are willing to do so is that they know that I am always trying to do what it takes to get better at what I do.

I am not that good. None of us are. And that is why we need to continually stay on the cutting edge in our learning curve and training. If you devote yourself to making yourself better each day then you give yourself a better chance of adding value to others. And isn't that what ministry is all about? Do your best and never stop learning. Train yourself and always do more than your staff will. Let them know that you are serious about growth in your group and in each of their lives personally. It will benefit your ministry a ton.

You gotta' ask...

I was out jogging the other day and rolling through some of the neighborhoods to give me some scenery. And when I run I do not like to stay on the sidewalks because it is harder on your bones; and this old man needs all the help he can get. So, I run on the street asphalt to give me a little help in enduring the madness. But as you can imagine, this puts me in a better position of getting run over by vehicles – a chance I am willing to take, I guess. So, yeah, I am on my way and all of the sudden I can hear this truck race up behind me pull up next to me. I was thinking, oh man, i'm about to get an earful fro this guy. And then I hear a jovial voice, and as I look to my left, it is the dad of one of my former students. I have not seen this guy or his son in years, since his kid had graduated high school.

He got out of his truck and we proceeded to chat for like forty-five minutes right there on the side of the road. We were laughing so hard about all the stuff that we used to do together in ministry. This dad was one of the guys who you never would have thought would ever help out in ministry. Not because he did not want to, but because he had and still has one of the busiest schedules I have ever heard of. But it just so happened that this guy helped us out with one of our all-niters that we had for the sophomore boys. We were down a driver and needed to get one fast or else it was really going to screw up our toilet-papering escapade. And this kid was like, “Hey, I know my dad is off for a couple of days... maybe he will drive.” We called, he rolled over, and the rest is history.

Although I had known this dad for a some years before because he and his family had been members of the church for a long time, I never thought to ever ask him to be a part of stuff because he did not look to me like the type of guy who would want to spend what little free time he had with a bunch of students. I was wrong. That nite he had the best time and all the boys thought he was the coolest dad in the world. He even helped in the festivities. At the end of the nite he told me that whenever I needed his help to call him. Those are the sweetest words that any youth pastor can ever hear. And so I took him up on his offer.

Over the next few years he was one of the stalwarts in our ministry. He was the dad that put in tons of time on and off campus with our group. He had a great time, always. And when the peeps were around him, they loved it! This guy was a diamond in the rough. I would have never known. I would have never have asked him. And I would have missed out on tons of ministry with a guy who is still a blessing to me. That is the stuff that we talked about on the side of the road the other day. He went on and on about how appreciative he was of me and our staff at church for putting time into his family. I was humbled.

For a guy like him to feel like our team gave to him and not the other way around was incredible. He was thankful to be a part of our activities and on the parental staff. I was shocked. And I know I should not have been, but I always am. I don't know what I would have done without this dad and the time, effort and love that he put into our ministry. God is good. I realized after that first time that he helped us drive for the guys nite out that I needed only to ask more. I needed to be proactive with the parents in our ministry. And as I expected, there were many others who were just waiting to be asked.

Some know it and some do not. The peeps who will spend time in your ministry volunteering are waiting for you a lot of the time. You are the leader and they know that you have a plan, or that you should. Involve as many in the proces as possible. There ware some superstar peeps who are just waiting for an invitation. When is your next event? Who are the peeps you have been meaning to call to spend time in your ministry? Give them a call, you may be pleasantly surprised.

Plan Man...

General Dwight David Eisenhower knew a thing or two about what it takes to win. Back in the fourth grade I did a huge report on his life. I still remember how much I learned about him, all these years later. Out of all the stuff that I took in during that project I still think about a certain quote that he is famous for. He once said “Plans are nothing, planning is everything.” Wow. This is certainly true in ministry.

When I started in my younger years I had all of these huge plans about how things were going to be. Nothing could get in my way. I was determined that I would just barrel through all the madness and get it done. To some extent, this worked. But when you put your head down and drive it into problem after problem you are going to get a headache or two... or in my case, more. Cobb watched me and knew how much I could take. He helped correct me when I needed it most and let me learn the lessons that I needed and made sure that I did not kick myself out of ministry for the long haul.

We spent so much time in planning meetings. When we were getting ready for each season of the year it was time to plan. When we did big events we planned. When we did smaller or follow-up events we planned. Sometimes it seemed that we spent more time planning than we did for the actual events or activities themselves. It got to the point that we often wanted to just go home and hope that everything would work out for the best. But we had seen where that had gotten us in the past and knew that the dilegence would pay off. It was about making the sacrifices when they needed to be done to get the good results that we wanted.

So next time you are feeling tired and weary, to the point where your eye lids are heavy and you want to skip the planning meeting... don't. Just get it done and you will save yourself time on the back end of stuff and be happy with the results you get. And you will not really know when you did not plan well enough until it happens and you look back and think, “yeah, that wasn't the best way to prepare.” be a professional and get stuff done. Your ministry will grow tons.

If you build it...

Field of Dreams, I love that movie. I still cry at the end. Kevin Costner builds the coolest home baseball field in his backyard in the middle of a corn field. When he does this all the old dead baseball greats come to play ball. It's every boy's dream. Don't you wish ministry worked this way; you know, you build a team of volunteers, you get a piece of the church building to use and then all of the sudden, tons of kids come from out of nowhere and give you this dope huge ministry??? I know, that would be awesome!

We have to bring ministry out to the students in our community. They want direction. They are a spiritual generation. But they aren't gonna come to your group just 'cause you think that you have the best one around... and maybe it is the best group. I don't care if you have great music, games, groups, food or speaking; if you do not go to them then you are going to miss a lot of opportunity. They want to know what it is that you think is so important. They hear from their friends at school all the time about how fun youth group is and that they should come check it out. But they will not if you do not first reach out to them. Some will come, a majority will wait.

A couple of items to consider. First you need to know what you believe. Are you the evangelism person or do you prefer a smaller group? Peter had it right when he said that you need to always be ready to let peeps know why you believe. And even further than that you have to do it in a way that is not going to drive them away from wanted to be sensitive to the calling of God. Now, whether this is easy or difficult to you it must be done. When you know what your passions and goals are then you will be able to take the Gospel to the community and peeps will want to be a part of your group.

Do you go to extracurricular activities that your students are involved in? Do you go to school activities, eat lunch with them at school, dinner with their families, visit other church groups, go to seminars and conferences, etc. I hope you do. Have a plan. If you use your time wisely then you will be able to calendar these times in. they are important. Model the ministry you would like to see your staff and students do. Value your ministry and take pride in your time and work, and your ministry and its success will follow.