Don't just ask... listen.

I remember when I was in highschool and would spend a ton of time at church. It was one of the only places that made sense to me. I did not go because wanted to get closer to God, but because there were peeps there who cared about me. Kevin was one of those guys. He would come to all of my sporting events, got coffee or lunch or whatever I wanted to do, all of the time. He would call me to roll with him to go do errands or see others in the youth group or church. He did this to spend time investing in me. I never really gave it a thought; I just thought it was cool to chill with him.

We had tons of conversations, mostly about nothing in particular. But I distinctly remember asking him for advice all of the time on everything from girls to God – yeah, worlds apart... but not really, I guess. I'm telling you, I think I can remember maybe two times that he gave me straight answers to my questions. He would never tell me what to do. He never gave me advice in the form of any kind of answer for that matter. What he would do was give me options. I would get done talking for like thirty minutes, telling him every part of my dilemma in like four hundred different ways. Then, I would say something to the effect of, “I don't know, Kev... what do you think?” Silence.

He would just look straight ahead as we drove down the road. I knew he was thinking. And you gotta understand, Kev knew me pretty well. I had spent tons of time with him – at church, extra curricular stuff, his family – and he knew what was going on in that little brain of mine. He knew what I needed to do. He was really good at discerning stuff in my life and those who he knew, both very well and not at all. But still, not answer. He would eventually say something like, “Well, MO, the way I see it you have three options...” He would then proceed to give me those options and then ask me what I thought I should do.

Wait a minute... the reason I was asking in the first place was to get an answer. Kev was supposed to make my life easier by telling me what to do. But, of course in my lack of wisdom, that is not what I needed. Kev knew that I needed to process this stuff on my own. He knew that I already knew what I needed to do. If he would have told me what to do, I would bet I would not do it like nine times out of ten. But, because he made me think about it, and verbalize it myself, I ended up doing the right thing more often than not. And if I did choose the wrong option, one that was detrimental to me in some way or another, I was more aware of it.

Still to this day Kev does not give me that many answers. He makes me think and make decisions based on the information I have. I know a little better now how to process stuff. But I guess the question is whether or not you have one or more peeps in your life who help you through this process. If you do not, I would bet you make more mistakes than if you did have them. I know you may know yourself better than anyone ever could, and that you are too abstract to be understood. And you know what, you are probably right. And if this is true then I would suggest get someone – preferably a full team.

Since my time with with Kev back in the high school group I have added new members to my inner circle. These peeps are the ones who give me options. They know what I need and when I need it. They all have good information. Each of them knows some of who I am, but none of them know all of who I am. That's just the way I do it. You may have one person who knows all of who you are... just make sure that person knows you to the core.

Listen, dummy!

For reals I do not understand why Cobb put up with me all those years. It's like a coach getting a brand new team or a music instructor a new student that has no idea what they are doing; the teach is in for a long ride. And that is the relationship that I had with this man, one of the most respected in my inner circle. It took years for me to get where I am in my ideas, thoughts and ministry tendencies, but alas I am here. The journey began when I was in high school and did not know why JC would want to have a relationship with a punk like me. It was Cobb who put in the time to convey that yearning on the part of a Savior who wanted to give me a chance.

David Schwartz writes, “Big people monopolize the listening.” and this is the way that Cobb was with me. I was always in some big idea, a way to make my life better. And I always brought it to him. We would sit for hours at a time over a cup of coffee, at his house, his office – wherever we were at that particular moment – and I would tell him the details of my life. Funny thing is that I did not ask for advice very much in the early years. But that is the kind of guy that Cobb was and still is today. He has always been one of those “big people.”

I write this because it is my hope that you have those kind of people in your life. The persons who will ask questions, not for the sake of stumping you or making you feel dumb or whatever. But for the sole purpose of getting to know you better. These are the peeps that you want in your inner circle. These are the peeps that are going to make a difference in your life. They are the ones that will know understand how you work, because the more they listen to your rambling over time the more they will be able to speak into your life.

Cobb has always been one reluctant to give advice to me. Not because he did not know what I needed. Believe me, he knows me enuff to point me in the right direction. But he also knows that a stubborn punk like me needs to be nurtured. Hey, at least I have come from the days of not thinking tat I needed advice of any sort. I was on top of the world as a teenager. My ideas were invincible, or so I thought. Today I am a lot more humble, though sometimes it may not seem to others or even myself. But there is something about talking to someone who knows you to the core of your being. When someone knows your joys, fears, struggles, strengths and everything in between, you start of listen.

Who do you have in your life that knows you in that way? Think of the person or persons who listen to you most. The ones who are not quick to judge you or tell you what you need to do. These are the persons who are listening to you and want to know you on a deeper level. These mentors, and in many instances your peers, have the capacity to speak into your life. And if they are anything like Cobb, you will have to drag it out of them. They know you. Listen to them and hang on the words they offer. They are few... but powerful.

One-Minute Ministry

One of the most effective and applicable books I have ever read is “The One Minute Mangager” by Ken Blanchard. After reading that book my whole outlook on team managemnet changed. I realized that I tended to make things more compicated and drawn out than they needed to be. And not for any good reason most of the time. I stared doing stuff in shroter bites of time. I made my goals on one page and had my staff do the same. They were used to my crazy and sometimes dumb ideas. But every now and again they did spectacular things and got great results. This was one of those times. And let me encourage you that as a leader if you are doing stuff that everyone else gets right away then you are prolly not the leader they need. Peeps follow others that see further than they do. They get fed up real quick with leaders of small to no vision or intuition.

I learned how to praise and correct memebers of our team and ministry in under a minute. It was awesome. I shortened my tasks and simplified them to make sure they got done. If something was complicated, I took it down to the lowest common denominated for all the peeps on my team. That way we were all on the same page. I learned that I saw stuff differently from my team and we needed to work toghether if we were going to make progress in our ministry. No one was better or more speial than anyone else. We all followed the same principles and got on the same page.

And most important of all of this was that I first went to my main leaders. The ones in my inner circle. These peeps were the ones that shared my vision and knew what I wanted to accomplish with our staff and students. I don't know how big your inner circle needs to be. The bigger the staff, the bigger the inner circle. But what needs to remain is that you put the time into knowing them and what they are expecting, what they need and how to get it.

With this concept becoming part of our system we became very effective. Sometimes to the point of creating new and bigger problems and concerns. It was the best! The main point here, though, is to become more effictient with yoru staff and that will spill over into your group. Be intentional in yoru time with yoru staff, particulary the ones who you look to most to keep the insanity in tact. Continually read books and look for new ways to help your peeps see ministry. Stretch them and they will grow. And there WILL be growing pains, but that is natural and good. Your staff will appreciate you for it and your ministry will expand.

Much love to my peeps

I gotta say that i owe a lot to my peeps for sticking with me over the years. for a guy like me that gets into ministry and has no business doing so, it takes tons to keep me in the game. you may be in a similar situation. what i mean is that most of us who choose to live a life with JC do not really deserve his grace. 

“My grace is sufficient for you, for power  is perfected in weakness.” (2 Cor. 12:9)

and i guess that is why it is called grace - because we do not deserve it. but then there is another category within this one; it is the one that calls others to give their life to one of ministry in a vocational way. and these are the peeps who inspire me. i know what it means to do ministry and yearn to put into the lives of others. and one of the hard things that comes along with this passion is the need to find a group to pour into you. i speak a lot about having a mentor or mentors - and that is very important. however, you also need to have those who are doing ministry along side of you who can speak into your life.

"let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance..."

Pr. 1:5

i remember the first time that i read this when i was in high school. my associate pastor at the time told me that i was going to have to look to other young men my age to give me encouragement in my walk. then he pointed me to the book of Proverbs and to my astonishment, there it was right in the beginning of the book. i realized that i needed to find others who were better than me to help me in my life. then i read a couple of years later a book by John C. Maxwell. he says in one of my favorite chapters of The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, "Seek for yourself inner circle people who will help you improve" (134). And now that is what i do. i want to find the peeps that are good at the things in ministry where i am not good. 

and what i realized very quickly in my first job as a youth guy, there are only a select few things that i am really good at. the rest of the stuff i need to give away to others who can do a better job. and i know that in your ministry you are thinking that if you do not do stuff then it is not going to get done right. and to that i say baloney. it will get done, maybe not exactly the way you would like it, but it will get done. and if you spend time on the stuff where you are not good, then your ministry will ultimately suffer because you will not have the energy to do the stuff you ARE good at to the best of your ability.

this is what my inner circle of men and women do. they are good at seeing stuff that i am not good at. they have gifts and talents that i could only dream of. i can name five peeps off the top of my head that have authority in my life because they know what i do and do not need to hear. they are the ones who know my strengths and weaknesses and make my ministry better. so the question i would pose is what are you good at - and i mean really good. find those things and stick to them. everything else, find someone who is better than you and let them excel. your ministry will thank you for it and you will continue to grow in relationship with God and your ability to do ministry.