Don't just ask... listen.

I remember when I was in highschool and would spend a ton of time at church. It was one of the only places that made sense to me. I did not go because wanted to get closer to God, but because there were peeps there who cared about me. Kevin was one of those guys. He would come to all of my sporting events, got coffee or lunch or whatever I wanted to do, all of the time. He would call me to roll with him to go do errands or see others in the youth group or church. He did this to spend time investing in me. I never really gave it a thought; I just thought it was cool to chill with him.

We had tons of conversations, mostly about nothing in particular. But I distinctly remember asking him for advice all of the time on everything from girls to God – yeah, worlds apart... but not really, I guess. I'm telling you, I think I can remember maybe two times that he gave me straight answers to my questions. He would never tell me what to do. He never gave me advice in the form of any kind of answer for that matter. What he would do was give me options. I would get done talking for like thirty minutes, telling him every part of my dilemma in like four hundred different ways. Then, I would say something to the effect of, “I don't know, Kev... what do you think?” Silence.

He would just look straight ahead as we drove down the road. I knew he was thinking. And you gotta understand, Kev knew me pretty well. I had spent tons of time with him – at church, extra curricular stuff, his family – and he knew what was going on in that little brain of mine. He knew what I needed to do. He was really good at discerning stuff in my life and those who he knew, both very well and not at all. But still, not answer. He would eventually say something like, “Well, MO, the way I see it you have three options...” He would then proceed to give me those options and then ask me what I thought I should do.

Wait a minute... the reason I was asking in the first place was to get an answer. Kev was supposed to make my life easier by telling me what to do. But, of course in my lack of wisdom, that is not what I needed. Kev knew that I needed to process this stuff on my own. He knew that I already knew what I needed to do. If he would have told me what to do, I would bet I would not do it like nine times out of ten. But, because he made me think about it, and verbalize it myself, I ended up doing the right thing more often than not. And if I did choose the wrong option, one that was detrimental to me in some way or another, I was more aware of it.

Still to this day Kev does not give me that many answers. He makes me think and make decisions based on the information I have. I know a little better now how to process stuff. But I guess the question is whether or not you have one or more peeps in your life who help you through this process. If you do not, I would bet you make more mistakes than if you did have them. I know you may know yourself better than anyone ever could, and that you are too abstract to be understood. And you know what, you are probably right. And if this is true then I would suggest get someone – preferably a full team.

Since my time with with Kev back in the high school group I have added new members to my inner circle. These peeps are the ones who give me options. They know what I need and when I need it. They all have good information. Each of them knows some of who I am, but none of them know all of who I am. That's just the way I do it. You may have one person who knows all of who you are... just make sure that person knows you to the core.

Burnout...

Chaos is where God is most profound. Have you ever been there? I know that for most of my youth ministry career I felt that I was somewhere in this realm. I would think that burnout was evident. I thought this to be true because there were so many pastors around me who were dealing with this. One time I went to a conference with Cobb and one of the other interns. What we didn't know was that the conference was for pastors and their spouses. So, needless to say, we were kind of on the outs because neither I nor the other intern was married, and Cobb did not have his wife there.

There was this one breakout session where half of the pastors sat in a room with half of the spouses – and of course you were not in a group with your own spouse. The session was for the spouses to give their perspective about ministry and what it means to be married to a pastor and doing ministry in that capacity. It was amazing. I have never seen so much emotion in one room. The burnout was evident. There was so much that the pastors were putting onto their spouses, in terms of pressure and expectations. And the most astonishing part was that the pastors, for the most part, did not have much of a clue at all. And these were some good, seasoned pastors – peeps who had been doing ministry for yrears... successfully!

It really opened my eyes. If there is one reason why I need to stay away from burnout its to keep my family sane. When you do not take care of your should then others are going to get hurt. You cannot use the excuse that you are burning out because your job is too stressful or the senior pastor gives you too much to do or whatever. You need to take responsibility of your life and priorities. After witnessing that crazy breakout session I remember talking to Cobb about burnout issues. He has never experienced it. And the reason he stays away from burnout is the relationships he has chosen to have with mentors, the way he spends his time – putting aside time for God and family in the madness of running around, and knowing how to say “no” to stuff that is not within his calling.

Are you close to burnout – or even been close? If so, have your reevaluated to see how you got there. Cobb never let us get to that point while under his care on staff. He knew the signs. I knew that he was there to look out for me and so I guess I pushed the limits of my own sanity at times. Now, with him hundreds of miles away, I still stay far from burnout because I know how to do so. Do you know? If not, who could you ask? It's worth your time.

A balancing act...

I can remember my younger years in ministry – man, I was always on “the go.” if there was something to be done, I did it. If there was a task that needed to be finished, hove no fear! If there was some place to be, you could be sure that I would get there, within the appropriate amount of time and with the materials needed to complete whatever needed to be done. And this is what sticks out in my mind. I was away from home much of my early ministry. There were some summers that I would be out of town most of the summer, for speaking engagements, camps, and seminars. I really did not have a choice. I had decided that my priority was to serve others and make sure that our ministry was effective. There were a ton of peeps who relied on me to get stuff done. But, as you could have guessed, this began to take a toll on me.

I was away from home so much that I sometimes forgot my priorities back at the ranch. My family struggled to support me at times because it was taking a lot out of them to encourage someone who was not home very much. They were in this ministry deal a hundred percent as well. They had just as much, if not more, commitment to my ministry as I did. In those early years, as a young pastor, I leaned heavily on the Word of God. Isn't it funny that we get religious when things are not going our way? When the going gets rough and we want to be tough, we always seem to make time for that “God, if you just get me through this...” prayer. And you know what – that is ok. That is what God wants from you. He wants to bless you. He wants to comfort you. He wants to give you the desires of your heart.

Even today, as in those early years as a pastor, I seek that extra little “umph” from the Lord. And you know what, I seem to be asking for it more often. A passage of scripture that I hold on to in times like those says,

“Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint” (Isaiah 40:30-31).

When you are running around, busy, away from home, and burning that midnight oil all the time – it's good to have something to hold on to. Don't do it by yourself. You gotta get you some good time with God when you can. And those who seek God will be answered.

Thinking Chair

I read in John Maxwell’s Thinking for a Change (2003) some years ago that he is very specific about the way he does his thinking. I mean this guy has a process that is crazy. But I guess when you are a national speaker who is on the go all the time you gotta have your madness in line. One of the things that he emphasizes is that of having a thinking chair. He does all of his main thinking in the same place. Now whether that is a chair, swing, table, bathtub, or whatever in your life… you need to have that place.

The place that I do most of my thinking is in the pool. I can swim for a long time and think about absolutely nothing. One of my mentors tells me that I am what I am thinking about when I am not thinking about anything. Wow, get your mind around that, I know. All great peeps, from musicians to teachers and ordinary thugs like you and me have a process that we have to go through. What makes you successful? Where do you find your best thoughts and ideas? Do you write them down?

One of the homies does tons of driving in his bidness and so he does not get to stop a whole lot to just chill and think. This guy is on the road sometimes for like twelve hours at a time. And we all know that when we are starring at the white lines on the road is when we get some good stuff that pops in our heads. For him, he has a voice recorder so that he can pretty much talk to himself. I found this method to be useful in my own life, since I find myself talking to no one in particular much of the time.

The point is that you do not want to miss the good ideas that you have. One of my boys is a comedian and is always looking for good material. He carries a full-on notebook in his back pocket to write stuff down as it comes to him. So, where is your “thinking chair”? Are you consistent in your thinking time? You should be doing this every day. Get one of your peeps to hold you accountable and see what kind of crazy madness you come up with – you’ll surprise yourself… I did, and still do.

The rules have changed... again.

I talk to a lot of leaders that get very unhappy about the stuff they have to deal with. They are in an organization where the boss does not really run a fair ship. It seems that they are doing a lot of work that is not theirs. Or they are pulling weight that is not theirs. I know, it sucks. But here is the thing... if you have chosen to be in your particular field at your specific company and you do not like the way that they are doing stuff then you have a couple of choices. The first and most easy is to quit and go somewhere else where you agree with the doctrine and you like the peeps. The other is harder.

The other path you can choose is to accept the rules for what they are and adapt to them. It's like being in a competition or game or whatever. If you find out that the referee sucks then you can either quit or find out what needs to be done in order to win... and then win! It is funny to see how many peeps spend so much time and energy complaining when they just need to accept the rules for what they are and get on it. Life is not fair and there are times when you are going to be thrown down or have it harder than others. Are you going to complain? Or are you going to get it done?

When you are a leader you do not have the luxury of making excuses. The bottom line is that at the end of a deadline or project it is either done or it is not. It is either good or it isn't. You have the choice. A batter who is unhappy with a horrible umpire has the choice to either cry about the strike zone or adapt to it. A good leader will adapt to all situations and make the necessary adjustments to get the job done. We all have the opportunity to go one way or the other. Don't play the part of the victim – no one likes a complainer... play the part of a leader. This will cause others to rise up and reach their potential, and there is nothing better than seeing others succeed.

There are no bad teams

One of my favrit movies is GI Jane because Demi Moore totally tears it up in her quest to become the first woman Navy SEAL. At one point of the movie she is put in charge of her team and is reluctant to take the position. Master Chief John Urgayle responds to her by saying, “ There are no bad crews, only bad leaders.” Pretty much, he told her to suck it up and get the job done. And of course she does. But that quote really stuck out to me. There are to many leaders in organizations that like to blame everyone else besides himself or herself. And what I have to say to that is... suck it up.

When you became the leader of your team you decided to take all of the responsibility and none of the credit. Everything that goes right is because of the peeps on your team and eveything that goes wrong is because you screwed up. And when I say that I mean even if someone on your team did something that was “less than informed” and it is their fault – you better check yourself and realize that ultimately it is a lack of good leadership on your part that let it happen. I know you are gonna say that you did all you could that was in your power and that there was no way that you could prevent it. Whatever it is... it happened and it happened on your watch.

John Wooden (2003) has two sets of three that he lives by and teaches. The first of those is “Don't whine, don't complain, don't make excuses.” so check this out. If you expect your team to perform at the highest level then you have to first do it yourself. When you give yourself the OK to violate any of those principles then you are giving your team licence to do the same but at a much worse level. When you become a leader you automatically accept responsibility. So stop blaming others and get the job done.

Listen Intently...

Cobb rolled into town this past week and was all over the place doing stuff with all the peeps. I don't know anyone who is more intentional than him. We were supposed to connect. I had tons of stuff going on and it looked as if we were not going to make it happen. He hit me up on Twitter the nite before he was going to peace out back to MI and was like, “hey are we going to connect?” then I realized the opportunity that I was going to miss. We ended up getting together the following nite.

Here is the thing though. I know that his last nite in town was going to be a time for family, you know, for goodbyes and stuff. I begin this blog by expressing how honored I feel that he would include me in that time. You see, Cobb has always been one to seek others out who he thought had potential. I am one of those peeps. For more on mentoring and why you need to find a mentor you should check out my homies blog on this subject (http://bit.ly/9LKNEK). In that blog, Lem talks about how there are a select few mentors who actually seek others to give time to and add value. Have you been lucky enough to be one of those peeps? If you are, then you really need to take advantage of that time and respect and honor the time that you receive from that mentor in your life.

When I was out with Cobb the other nite my leadership radar was up and ready. I knew that I only had a certain amount of time with him and that I was not sure when I was going to see him next. I was very intentional with the questions that I asked. I wanted to gain wisdom and insight into ministry and life and I know that he was willing to give it – he is always willing to give advice to those who will listen. And after many years of shedding my pompous “I am the man” atttude, I am slowly beginning to learng what it means to move my leadership to the next level by listening to guys like Cobb.

So the question is, are you listening? And you seeking out a mentor who can speak into you life? And if someone is seeking you out because he or she sees potential in you, take what you can get. You will speed up your journey toward being a leader.