I had a pretty bad temper growing up. But it was really only when I played sports. I am naturally inclined to be very competitive, and so youth athletic programs were always a source of frustration for me. Brad Pitt played famed baseball player-turned-GM in the movie Moneyball, and made the following statement, “I hate to lose! I hate to lose more than I like to win… and there is a difference.” I guess that would have to sum up the way that I felt about any kind of competition growing up. So much for having fun, huh?
The problem with this is that I always became very emotional. As soon as something did not go my way, my negative emotions and horrible attitude would start to affect both my play, and eventually the outcome of any particular competition. It was almost to the point where it would have been better off not to play at all. In fact, for my 16th birthday, one of my teammates bought me a big spongy lightweight Nerf ball that I could throw next time I got upset, instead of throwing and destroying his Walkman again after I got kicked out of one of my more recent games. Yes, it was a funny gift and gesture, but that small incident actually caused me to rethink a lot of what I did, and how I should proceed for the future.
I remember following that birthday party talking to Kevin a little bit more than I had up to that point. He had known me for a couple of years now, and was well aware of my lack of discipline on the field. For the most part he was encouraging, knowing that I had a deep-rooted problem that needed to be fixed only by my willingness to do so. I remember one of the verses that he shared with me though…
"Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end."
~ Proverbs 29:11
This above author uses words in the old language here that have to do with the calming of a storm, which of course makes me think of Jesus calming the storm in Mark 4:35-41. I wanted to have that kind of control over my emotions. Also, I realized that right around that time in my life, I was also trying to be a good Christian, since I had just recently given my life over to Christ. And, looking back, it began a long and arduous process to change my person to the very core. I knew that if I did not begin to control my temper, I would not be the witness that God called me to be.
I started working on my emotions and temper, and have been doing so for the past 25 years or so. And although I am not exactly where I want to be, I am much better off than I was. My question is this: regarding your own attitude, do people view you as someone who can control their emotions? We cannot add value to people when we cannot even control ourselves. My prayer is that you find out what causes you to lose your cool, and get a little bit better at calming the emotional storms of your life.
Praying for you,
MO
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